If my dog had a face as ugly as your's, I would shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!

Pierced in places you'd love to lick.

Tattooed in places you'd love to lick.

He only likes you 'cuz he hasn't met me yet.

Can I have your number, I'll call you when my dog is in heat.

Sex is evil, evil is sin, sins are forgiven, so stick it back in.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them

To all the virgins in the world, thanks for nothing.

Life: It's a sexually transmitted, and always fatal!

Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control

Your daddy should have pulled out early!

I want to make love in the worst way - standing up in a canoe!

Vagina: The box a penis comes in

That's a load your mother shoulda swallowed!!

What has two brain cells? a pregnant blonde

Fight Crime. Shoot back!

Officer, will this bumper sticker saying "Support Law Enforcement" keep you from giving me a ticket?

I don't believe in violence, so don't make me kill you

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Please don't hit me -- My lawyer's in jail.

My kid's an honor student...yes your honor...no contest your honor. Nice tie your honor.

Officer, I swear the body was dead when I found it

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

My kid got your honor student pregnant.

English HELL, I speak American!

Guns don't kill people; Cops kill people.

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.

Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.

Guns are no more responsible for killing people than the spoon is responsible for making Rosie O'Donnell fat.

This vehicle protected by a shotgun 23 hours a day. The rest of the time, I'm hiding the bodies."

I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!

Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier

USMC Sniper: Don't bother running, you'll only die tired.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas!

I tried to contain myself but...I ESCAPED!

It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.

I used to see a shrink but I made him go crazy

Three out of four voices in my head said I should stay home and clean the guns.

Support mental health or I'll kill you

One by one the penguins steal my sanity.